Aging Your Way: At 90, Estelle finds connection in her family’s home
Aging Your Way: Estelle’s story
For many people, aging in place isn't about staying in the same house forever — it's about living in a setting that best supports their health, safety, independence and quality of life. In this Aging Your Way series by Medicare and retirement expert Phil Moeller, UnitedHealthcare shares real stories from older adults who have found different paths forward and the lessons they've learned along the way. Whether it’s remodeling the family home, downsizing to a new place, moving in with friends or family, or relocating to a retirement community, Americans are figuring out ways to make the best use of longevity gains brought about by better health and lifestyle behaviors.
As recently as a few years ago, Estelle was living independently in the home she had shared with her husband for about 43 years. After he passed away, she lived there on her own for nearly eight years. But over time, health challenges began to make everyday tasks and self-sufficiency more difficult.
Estelle developed drop foot, experienced ongoing back pain later diagnosed as stenosis and found herself relying on walls for support as she moved through her home.
As her family grew concerned about her living on her own, Estelle began considering what might come next.
Then her daughter, Rose, offered an alternative that changed everything: “How would you like to come and live with me?” Estelle’s answer was immediate. “Oh yes,” she recalled. “Without any more thought.”
This is not just Rose and her husband David’s house. It’s a home where the whole family can come together and be present with each other.
In fact, when they invited Estelle to live with them, they went out and found a brand new home for all of them. The newly built home included not only a suite of rooms for Estelle but a second suite for David’s mother. They took in both their moms, although David’s mom's health later improved enough for her to move back into her own home.
Not everyone may go as “all in” as David and Rose, but their commitment illustrates the support available to help people “age their way.”
Far from being a “burden,” Estelle is still fiercely independent and full of life at 90 years old. She does her own laundry and enjoys playing games with the family. For all of them, it has been a gift to be together.
To make the home optimal for everyone — and to make Estelle’s life smoother — they made additional accommodations, including building a full wheelchair ramp in the garage.
Twice each week, Estelle attends Club Rec at Sheltering Arms in Richmond, where she participates in activities, outings and music programs. The social connections are as valuable as the activities themselves. She especially enjoys the music sessions, where singing gospel with others brings joy and camaraderie.
The new experience in the house helps reinforce an important lesson about aging: planning matters, but so do relationships.
Asked what advice she would offer others as they grow older, Estelle said:
“I would tell people not to be so hard on themselves if they’re doing their best.”
A home can be built in many ways, but love is often what holds it together. The efforts and accommodations made to welcome a family member in speak volumes about that bond.
Rose and David view their efforts as simply what children should do for their aging parents if they are able. They epitomize the adage that it is better to give than to receive. Helping Estelle maintain her independence, including bathing and doing her own laundry, is its own reward.
Estelle agrees.
“I am as pleased with my life as I could be living here with them,” Estelle said.
Share
