Phil Moeller: Aging through the 'final fifth' of life
Written by Phil Moeller, UnitedHealthcare contributor, Medicare and Retirement expert
Judith Viorst turned 95 in early February. Well-known as a writer of children’s books and witty, silly poems, her body of work was impressive even before she started focusing on the realities of getting older in America. Beginning in the late 1980s, Judith began writing books now known as the “Decades books,” chronicling her views on aging during our 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s.
Last year, she put a cherry on top of this marvelous sundae with a book written when she was 94 titled Making the Best of What’s Left.1 In the book, she tells engaging stories about friends and acquaintances – who are mostly quite old – dealing with the realities of old age. There’s some repetition in this book, but Judith is such a good writer that her reruns are better than most writers’ original efforts.
Beyond sharing anecdotes of later life journeys of those in her direct and indirect circle of friends, Judith shares one thing I found especially compelling.
She urges older people not to forget those who have gone before them by regularly speaking the names of the dead. In doing so, as I did, it is impossible not to appreciate and treasure past loves, friendships and acquaintances. Repeat this exercise often.
Another thing that Judith emphasizes and which others have done as well, is the loneliness of people in their later years. They have lost friends and loved ones; their inner circle is distressingly small. Their children and grandchildren may love them but have their own, busy lives.
Getting out to social activities and meals with friends becomes increasingly challenging. Her advice is to force yourself to get out there and do whatever it takes to have a social life. If you have friends, get even closer to them. If you have acquaintances, get to know them better. Develop relationships with younger people.
Throughout the book, Judith makes direct and indirect references to things she wishes she had done at an earlier date.
I recently turned 80 and have entered the “final fifth” of my own life. This can be sobering stuff, but also a gratifying reminder that as my wife reminds me, “We are still here.” And so we are.
We also think we’re entering this period of our lives in the most prepared way we can think of. I’d like to share some of our tactics and hope they might be useful to you.
Our transition began accidentally several years ago, when someone said they admired our 100-year-old home and asked us if we would be willing to consider selling it. We loved that home, but it was showing its age and had a steeply pitched slate roof that looked a lot like a money pit. So, we agreed to sell our home.
We then had to find a place to live and decided it was time for us to downsize. Painful in theory but not in practice, I don’t remember much about what I decommissioned. We next decided to move into a new 55-plus community that was friendly to us from day one and became increasingly friendly as we aged and began experiencing some of the realities that Judith mentions.
That was four years ago. We feel more than ever that we are in the right place for us. We have no steps in our home, but we do have grab bars everywhere. We’ve invested in making it even more friendly, enlarging the walk-in shower.
We also decided to put our computers on the same platform. I had been a PC guy; my wife had been an Apple person. It didn’t take me long to figure out that Apple was the superior product for us. It took a long time to get comfortable but our Macs, iPads, iPhones and Apple Watches help keep us on the same page.
We simplified our investments so that our home is our only asset that might get tied up in probate when the second of us dies. And we placed all our financial assets with a single broker, so they are easy to track.
We also are doing as much as we can to deepen existing friendships and build new ones. My wife is retired but has built very fulfilling volunteer efforts in the arts, women’s activities and local history, which is enormously important in Richmond, VA, which was founded in 1608.
I continue to work but at my own pace. Getting up nearly every morning with a sense of purpose is an elixir for me.
As for Judith, she closes the book with the unexpected death of her husband, Milton. She was haunted at not being able to say goodbye. Later, she heard advice on what she might have said: “Forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.”
Here, in part, is what she told Milton:
“I want to thank you for having the boldness, the sheer audacity, to have given me – to have given our whole family – a larger and far more exciting life than I’d have ever been daring enough to create on my own.
“A life of joy, adventure, productivity, and social responsibility. A life of intense, entangled, enduring love.”
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Author bio
Philip Moeller is the principal author of the Get What’s Yours series of books about Social Security, Medicare, and health care. Read his Substack newsletter and connect with him on LinkedIn.
UnitedHealthcare was named a Best Insurance Company - Medicare Advantage 2026 by U.S. News & World Report two years in a row.