How to support a loved one in recovery for substance use disorder
Approximately 21 million adults in the United States consider themselves to be recovering or in recovery for substance use disorder (SUD).1 This is a serious but treatable mental health disorder that affects a person’s brain and behavior. People with SUD are not able to control their use of certain legal or illegal substances.2
Taking the step to stop using drugs or alcohol can be extremely difficult. For many, a strong support system is important for success.
Whether the person in recovery is a partner, friend, parent, child or colleague, one of the first steps in your support is understanding what “recovery” means to them. Then there are some helpful ways to best support them on their journey.
What does it mean when a person is “in recovery”?
According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), recovery — either from a substance use or mental health disorder — is the process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life and strive to reach their full potential.3
The SAMHSA defines the 4 key areas that support a life in recovery:3
- Health: overcoming or managing the disease(s) or symptoms
- Home: finding stability in a living situation
- Purpose: committing to meaningful activities, such as pursuing school, a job, volunteering
- Community: building relationships that provide support, friendship, love and hope
No matter what point a person is in their journey, if they are telling you that they’re in recovery, it’s a way of asking for your support, shares James C. Sherer, M.D., an addiction psychiatrist and the director of addiction medicine consult service at Hackensack Meridian Health.
Then comes the big question: How can you provide it?
5 ways to help someone in recovery for substance use disorder
One key way to support someone in recovery is to educate yourself on what they’re experiencing. “The hard part for loved ones may be wanting to understand what’s going on,” Demara says. It’s important to know that addictions are driven by neurological changes in the brain.4 “Addictions are diseases that are treatable, not moral failings,” says Dr. Sherer.
In addition to brain changes, there is often a genetic component that factors into developing a substance use problem.5 “We have to realize, someone with an addiction in recovery is climbing an uphill battle,” says Dr. Sherer. “It’s not that they don’t want to quit enough or that they aren’t trying.”
Reading books about addiction can help you learn more about how substance use disorder affects the brain. This can help you gain a deeper understanding of what your loved one is facing.
Relapsing is often part of the recovery journey. Studies have shown that more than 75% of people in recovery relapse within a year.6 “Part of being in recovery,” says Dr. Sherer, “is that you’re forthcoming about relapsing instead of trying to hide it.”
One way that you can make relapsing less likely for your loved one is to provide support during stressful times in their life, notes Dr. Sherer. In these moments, they may be more tempted than usual to turn to drugs or alcohol. To help alleviate their stress, spend time listening when they want to talk, or do activities they enjoy together.
If a loved one comes to you saying that they’ve relapsed, it’s best not to judge them, says Dr. Sherer. Again, for many, this is part of the recovery process. Instead, assess the situation and think about what they need, he recommends.
If they need medical help managing withdrawal symptoms, think about how they can obtain this type of care. Or maybe they just need someone to talk to. If so, listening is helpful.
One common mistake many people make is constantly watching their loved one. They do this to help prevent a slip up or relapse, but it can backfire. “This does not help to build trust,” Demara says. At times, it may even push the loved one further away, adds Demara.
Think about what you can do to make your loved one feel love and compassion, suggests Dr. Sherer. You do not want them to feel suffocated or trapped.
Giving support doesn’t mean talking about recovery all the time, Demara explains. But someone in recovery may struggle with finding ways to have fun without falling back on old, harmful habits.
Showing your loved one that you are able to have an enjoyable time together without drugs or alcohol is crucial. “Most of us want to engage in meaningful relationships,” Dr. Sherer says.
Having a loved one in recovery can be emotionally draining and overwhelming. It’s important to take care of yourself too. When you do this, you’ll be better able to help the person in recovery.
Dr. Sherer recommends seeking out virtual or in-person support groups to connect with others in a similar situation. Go to Al-Anon.org or FamiliesAnyonymous.org to find a group near you or online.
The decision to overcome substance use is an important step. So celebrate your loved one’s decision by making them feel loved. That way, you can play a big part in their new, healthier life.
